


the true price of imperfection

by SaraJaye



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Anger, Canon-Typical Violence, Despair, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fire Emblem Fates: Conquest Spoilers, Guilt, Heavy Angst, Implied Relationships, Imprisonment, angry Hana, failure - Freeform, sad broken Subaki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-07
Updated: 2016-08-07
Packaged: 2018-08-07 05:52:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7703035
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SaraJaye/pseuds/SaraJaye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He kept blaming himself for not being perfect, and for once, she knew how he felt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the true price of imperfection

The cut on her face was a dull ache compared to everything else. They'd lost, but even that would have been just fine. Lady Sakura surrendered after that so-called brother of hers promised he had his reasons, that no one would get hurt as long as they could get to the castle.

Some promise, Hana thought angrily. The ugly pale guy and his bald buddy started killing people right and left, had Lady Sakura in _chains_ as they took her to a dungeon, sobbing in agony. When Hana tried to help her, she'd gotten a dagger to the face for her troubles before she and Subaki were shoved in a tiny room of their own. All the way at the other end of the fortress, they weren't even allowed _near_ Lady Sakura.

The worst part of it was Subaki. Hana had kept herself afloat on her anger, but he'd shut down completely. One pained cry before he slumped onto the bare cot they'd been given, staring at his feet for the past few hours. Even when one of the jailers brought them some dry rations he didn't touch them.

She was used to Subaki pouting and moping because he didn't do something perfectly, and when that happened she'd roll her eyes and tell him to get over it, _big deal, so Mr. Perfect spilled a little tea at breakfast, no one noticed, stop hiding under the covers like a little kid._ But this...this wasn't just falling off his horse or spilling his tea or sash being crooked. _Because neither of us was perfect, because we both failed, Lady Sakura..._

Her days and nights of training, the exhaustion, the bruises, the sore muscles, getting mad every time it rained because the slippery grounds made it harder to stay on her feet. It wasn't that different from Subaki trying to be perfect, because it was all for Lady Sakura. _And now..._

"We failed her." His voice broke through her thoughts, almost as if reading her mind. "I allowed myself to lose, I failed to stop you from being defeated, I couldn't help Yukimura." She turned to see him still staring at the floor, his eyes hidden from view. "I didn't protect her. She's suffering, because I failed her as a retainer."

"We _both_ failed her." Hana stomped her foot hard against the stone floor, trying to hold onto her anger. "And it was all _their_ fault! That stupid Corrin guy had to come here, those ugly guys had to start killing everyone and he didn't stop them!"

"No." He shook his head. "Don't you see, Hana? If we'd been stronger, if we'd been the perfect retainers, Nohr wouldn't have stood a chance." And when she opened her mouth to protest she found she couldn't, because in her heart she knew he was _right._

"We did our best," she offered.

"That's not enough. This time it wasn't enough." His voice seemed to catch in his throat. "If my parents could see me now, they'd see a failure, a worthless man whose imperfections have caused his liege to suffer...!" His shoulders hitched and Hana bit her lip, fighting back tears. _If my father were here today, he'd see how weak I really am. All my training, for nothing..._

For once, she completely understood how it could feel to be imperfect and hate yourself for it.

He lifted his head, and to her shock he _wasn't_ crying. Instead, his eyes were dull and lifeless, his face pale and his expression blank. In all the years she'd known him and served beside him, she'd never seen him look so _broken_ and to her dismay she felt her anger fading. _We can't fight our way out of this one. We can't help her, we can't do anything more for Hoshido._

She sat down beside him on the cot, ignoring the hard and bumpy mattress, placing her hand over one of his. Impeccably clean as always, cold and shaking even as his fingers desperately grasped for hers, his shoulders shaking even as the tears she knew he wanted to cry refused to fall.

"I'm here," she murmured. There was nothing she could say to make either of them feel better, nothing that could change anything about the situation. He let go of her hand only to hug her tightly, burying his face in her hair.

"Never leave." She nodded, letting him hold her a moment before she returned the embrace, stroking his trembling back. They were partners...no, more than that, at the moment she wasn't not sure what but she knew there was always something deeper. And even if they were powerless against all of this, they were together.

He fell asleep with them still sitting upright, his face buried in her shoulder and her arms locked awkwardly around him. Her fingers carefully brushed stray locks of hair behind his ear, her lips lightly brushed his temple.

"I'm here."

His arms tightened around her waist even as he slept, and Hana finally gave into the exhaustion left in the wake of her anger.


End file.
